My "Vulnerability Hangover" - What I did to get over it.

My "Vulnerability Hangover" - What I did to get over it.

I had the privilege of being a guest on two podcasts in one day a couple of weeks back. Add the stress of trying to make sure I'm accurate, not an egg and answer the actual question that is being asked and stay on track, plus the anxiety that seems to come as a part of perimenopause, and the result is quite an icky feeling.

To be very clear. Both the hosts were fabulous, asked excellent questions and were generally good buggers to be around, and we decided on both instances that we should definitely do it again, because it was so much fun.

But then, afterwards. Ugh. The adrenaline drops and (this happens every time I do a podcast or radio interview) I want to hide for the rest of my life. I worry that what I have said is too much, too obnoxious and too opinionated, and generally that I've either a. been a real dick, 2. made a fool of myself, or III. all of the things you could ever imagine. And all the things I've said are now going to be on the airwaves for people to hear.

I felt very wired and scraped raw that day and then my body decided that instead of sleep, I could just rerun every sentence in my head (even though I can't remember the question someone just asked, so the likelihood of me remembering my actual words are low) but logic doesn't seem to like working nights. Luckily I'd been so active that day I fell asleep and stayed asleep, so that was a lucky tactic I did by accident.

So here's what I did.

1. recognised that this is how I roll and how I react. It mayn't be fun and it mayn't be helpful, but this is how my brain, which works at the speed of light, tends to manage things that are big.

2. knew that this wasn't going to be forever. It might feel like forever, but it's always going to change.

3. did some breath work. I found meditations hard to focus on, so just did some breathing for short bursts, focusing on the exhale being full, and the inhale not starting at the top of the ribs.

4. took some L-Theanine and 5-HTP and - all helpful for stress

5. went for a swim - but in a group so I had to focus on what we were doing, rather than ruminating for lengths at a time

6. lifted some weights

7. patted my dogs and cows

8. Talked to my friends about it. I have some friends who get the same feelings as me after podcasts and they boosted me up. I love having amazing people around me. They actually didn't tell me what to do, but that I had done a great job. They trust me more than I trust me. Which is what this really is.

9. 

Brene Brown talks about this feeling of a vulnerability hangover as where we are kinder to other people and their mistakes than we are of our own. And when I look at it from this point of view, I can be much kinder to myself, I can forgive my failings.

Last night one of the podcasts came out (and I have listened to it and am immensely proud of myself - even though I had concern in my head up until I heard it!) I'll also admit to having similar feelings about the new course I'm bringing out, even though I know it's amazing and what my clients are wanting and needing. My feelings seem to be a faulty representation of what is actually happening in the world, so I need to remember that data > feelings. (feelings are important, but not always reliable).

Treating ourselves with the kindness with which we would hope for from a stranger, or someone who loves us, seems to be a pretty neat answer for this, but also expecting action to be taken.

I hope that I can be that solid kindness for someone when they need it, and that I can see for myself when I need that kindness, and then provide it to myself.

The other clear takeaway for me, is that leaping and trying all the new things, even knowing that I may fail, and that I may put my foot in my mouth, and trusting that the world is going to be an amazing place when I take big courageous risks while also knowing that my brain wants me to be small and take it easy and do what I have always done is helpful to both think about and to say out loud. And isn't it ironic (don'tcha think) that the things that make me actually nail my job (like being focused on getting things right, paying attention to detail, caring, and thinking deeply) are also the things that make other things tricky!